Movies Forever with a Boy

Uh oh all I wanna do is sit on a couch with a firecracker of a fella in my arms or me in his and watch movies forever. Uh oh. I don’t feel like working. I just want to eat chicken fingers and popcorn and drink root beer and slob around and melt into him and become one person. Make out till my sneaky tongue goes down his throat and into his lil tummy where the popcorn chicken soda is and mix it all around and he’ll mix my popcorn and our jaws will gape and our lips will fuse and we’ll just breathe back and forth like a tired Miranda July/Human Centipede trope. 

But he can’t want me too much. I mean…he needs to want me enough to let me fuse my lips to his so that we depend on each other’s breath to live...but he shouldn't want me so much that he’s clingy, you know? He has to have his own life and interests and things going on. I’m not pathetic. I have stuff going on, too. Like...have your own ambitions, dude. Don’t just let me lick the popcorn in your tummy because it’s what I want. Let me lick the popcorn in your tummy when you have time for it. But if you don’t...just, like, let me know. I can handle it. I’m not fucking CRAZY, okay?

I dunno. This is getting a bit complicated already. Maybe you should go. I think I just want to be alone for a minute. We don’t even like the same music. How is this supposed to work? Are you gonna let me have a choir of gender neutrals singing KD Lang’s “Simple” while you (with tears in your eyes) watch me, your fucking SOUL MATE, as I’m brought down the aisle by Courtney Love??? Well? Are you??? Fucking answer me!

He’s not answering. Sarah, he’s ignoring me. Fuck. I think I fucked this up. I have to call you back. I need to deal with this. Fuck. Oh my god…Sarah. I just went on Grindr and he’s on there. He’s fucking on Grindr right fucking now. This is NOT how this was supposed to go. We were just supposed to watch a movie and fuse together and get married and have Courtney Love walk me down the aisle and now he’s on fucking Grindr?!? How dare he?!!! I mean, I'm on Grindr, too. But why is he on???

Oh...wait. He just tapped me. Aw. He does like me! Okay Sarah gotta go. How are you by the way? Good? Let’s have coffee soon. Miss u so much!!!